JS—1, GLP1—0

Dear Friends,

It happened…I was offered a GLP1 by a gyn to address 10lbs of spontaneous menopausal weight gain.

When she first suggested it, I felt exposed. Many of us complain in our 50’s that our labs start to slip. That is certainly true for me even with everything that I know and do.

I brought it up with my primary care physician who is delightfully tolerant of my questions. She looked at my labs and was a hard no for GLP1’s for me. At my size, the weight loss I would experience is muscle loss.

At the same time, my brain was constantly poking me with signals of distress. In a follow up call with the gyn, the topic of GLP1’s came up again—and again, I felt resistance. I knew right away that I needed to reflect on the “why.”

Thinness and the pressure towards it has been part of my life since I was 11 years old. I’ve never had a classically thin figure. I’ve always trended toward the high end of the normal weight range for my height.

I didn’t realize until I started putting on weight how much my identity centered on being unremarkable—I’ve lived in a physicality that didn’t draw any attention. My figure was not something to feature or to fix. I’ve been annonymous.

It was only when my size got large enough—the tightness in my clothes, the sluggishness in my belly, the feeling of puffyiness, the exhaustion—did I start to experience a threat to my self view. I was not invisible any more. I was the very picture of a woman past her prime. I had moved from the position of ignored to dismissed.

FATNESS was not the problem. The problem was capitulating to our culture such that I consented to my own erasure. Menopause revealed to me the ways in which I was now doing my own erasing.

Because the pattern was so deep, my body had a hard time getting my attention. It started with a deluge of irritability, and then nighttime hotflash infernos. It was only when my body started literally making me larger—did I start to wake up.

What began as distress became a passionate conversation. This transition isn’t a time to impose, it’s a time to listen. It is a time to leave seasonality and prepare for timelessness.

I notice that when I drop back into questions like “Should I dye my hair?” I become small. When I ask myself questions like “Does this choice amplify my soul?” “Will I get closer or further from the light inside me?” “Do I feel playful?” I touch the spark of the infinite. I don’t know where it will lead, but I do know it’s only going to take me toward pharmaceuticals if that choice comes from a loving place.

In the meantime, I bought a few new pairs of pants to launch this sacred transition.

With folded palms,

Jennifer